BY: Kenny Brown, Jr, MBA
President, Chief Operating Officer
Argent Trust Oklahoma-Tulsa
Two realities are undeniable:
1|Money makes certain situations weird.
2|Family dynamics are often tricky.
Given these facts, we shouldn’t be surprised when families struggle to have good conversations about money.
When money creates tension in families.
Example #1: The Dunn family (not their real name) had some stock that had appreciated significantly.
They wanted to use this windfall for philanthropic purposes… However, no matter how hard they tried, the family couldn’t reach a consensus on how best to give that wealth away. They were miles apart from any kind of shared vision or common goals.
Ironically, an opportunity to do good was causing pain within the family.
Example #2: Mr. Smith (not his real name) created a generous trust for his three grandchildren. His hope was to use this instrument—and the years he had left—to pass on certain principles of financial responsibility.
But when Mr. Smith shared this news, his grandchildren didn’t respond the way he’d expected. They weren’t ungrateful, but they also weren’t “over-the-moon” with excitement. The truth was, they just weren’t interested in financial matters.
The grandfather was both stunned and wounded.
I wish I could say these kinds of “family money challenges” are rare. They’re not. At Argent, we see them all the time.
Communication is essential.
At Argent, our mission is to help our clients protect, manage, and grow their wealth. This involves the standard services of financial planning, investment management, retirement planning, and more.
However, our work extends beyond financial matters. We understand that behind the planning we do and the portfolios we manage are real people: Families with unique values and fears, parents with aspirations, and children with dreams. This personal touch is what sets us apart. Now you know why a big part of what we do is helping families communicate constructively about money. We want them on the same page regarding spending, saving, and giving. We want their wealth transfers to go smoothly and without unpleasant surprises.
Financial conversations are worth the effort.
Some family members are reluctant to reveal what they’re really thinking or feeling in money discussions. They fear, “If I say that, I might strain my relationship with the people I love!”
That’s the benefit of having an unbiased third party in the room. Such a person doesn’t bring any relational baggage into such conversations. They can ask hard questions and make observations without emotion. As objective outsiders, they’re less likely to trigger unresolved tensions.
In the case of the Dunns, our team at Argent was able to step in with a resource that helped each family member identify their philanthropic interests, passions, and desires. Then we brought them together and facilitated a healthy conversation. As a result, the Dunns realized they had far more in common than they realized. This enabled them to develop a family mission statement. From there, they were able to agree on how to be generous with their wealth.
In short, we simply created an opportunity for them to talk to each other in a way that they hadn’t been able to do on their own.
In the case of Mr. Smith, we met with his young adult grandchildren. We helped them better understand their grandfather’s intentions and encouraged them to take a greater interest in managing their inheritance.
Struggling to talk about money?
Productive family conversations about money often require more than someone with financial expertise. Often, an empathetic “referee” can make all the difference.
At Argent, we routinely provide that kind of service and guidance to families.
If you’re struggling to have productive money discussions, remember two things:
- You’re not alone. 2. We’d be glad to help.
